Santa Banta Jokes,New Santa Banta Jokes,Funny jokes,Santa Banta,Hindi Jokes,New Hindi jokes
Banta: Sante tera restaurant kaisa Chal raha hai?
Santa: Koi Khas nahi.
Banta: Vaise main do bar tere restaurant Aaya, Par
wahan pe tala laga hua tha.
Santa : yaar tu lunch ya dinner ke time Aaya hoga..
Uss time humlog khana khane Ghar jate hai
Santa:-raat bhut ho gai hai aaj yhi ruk ja kal chale jana.! banta:-tikh hai to main ghar se night suite le k aata hun.! santa:-tikh hai jaldi aana...!!!!
Santa is sitting alone in coffee shop..
A beautiful lady came and ask
" if u don't mind can I sit here?"
Santa- noo
lady- why
Santa - bcoz I have mind..
Teacher- jo mere sawal ka sahi jawab dega wo ghar ja sakta hai.
Ussi waqt santa ne apna bag bahar fek diya.
Teacher- wo bag kisne feka?
Santa- maine..ab main ghar jau???
Santa opened a Fb A.C,
He posted pics, age, address
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Finally,
he was confused abt what he can write on 'Wall'
Aftr deep thinking he wrote
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"Yaha SuSu Karna Mana Hai.......
( Santa sadak par ghum rha tha )
Banta-ye sadak kaha jati h.
Santa-ye sadak kahi nahi jati.
raat din yahi padi rahti h.
Funny Jokes
santa: kal maine roket chhoda jo suraj se ja takraya.
banta: fir kya hua?
santa: meri boht pitayi hui,
banta: wo kaise?
santa: suraj ki mummy ne muje pita..
SANTA 1 Kilo Jalebi Khane Ke
Baad Bola: "Bhaiya Thodi Cheeni Do"..
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DUKANDAR: Cheeni Kyun???
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SANTA: "Soch Raha HU, Khane Ke
Baad Kuch Mitha Ho JAAYE"
Santa Bijli office fone krke bola: light band kr do
Bijli wala:Q sir?
Santa:Wo yar mere dimag me 1nayi mast
wali gaali aai h, wo tumko deni he.
Santa ne aaj uske sare purane records tod diye...
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Boss:"Where were you born...??
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Santa:"Punjab..
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Boss:"which part ??
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Santa:"Kya which part ??
Whole body born in Punjab...
Santa ne PCO pe jate
hi PCO wale ko 2
thappad laga diye.
Socho kyon?
Because PCO ke
bahar likha tha, dial karne se pahle 2
Lagaye
1 Aadmi Teliscope Se Aasman Me Dekh Raha Tha.
Santa Use Dhyan Se Dekh Raha Tha Tabhi 1 Tara Tuta.
Santa:Wah Boss Kya NishanaLagaaya.!
Santa Bank me paise jama karane gaya.
Cashier-
Tumhare Note nakli hai.
Santa-
Tujhe kya farak padata hai?
Jama to Mere Account me ho rahe hai na..!!
Santa- ye bata ki duniya me kitne desh hai?
Banta- kar di na paglon wali bat,
duniya me 1 hi desh hai INDIA,
baki sab to videsh hai!
Daku Mangal Singh Banta Ke Ghar Mein Ghus Ayaa.. Daku : Jaldi Bata Sona kahan hai , ..!
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Banta : oye Pura Ghar Khali Hi pada hai, Jithe Marzi
So Jao !
Santa Banta Jokes
Santa :Samose kuch acche
lag nhi rhe hai, kya baat hai
Parso wale to bohot acche
bane the,
Dukandar :Aji Saheb, ye wohi
to hai..
Manager- What is Your Qualification?
SANTA- I am PHSD
Manager- What do u Mean by PHSD
Santa- Passed High School with Difficulty..
Santa- Me bachpan Me 10 Maale ki Building se Gir Gya Tha.
BANTA-Are, FIR,kya Hua.
Bach gaya Ki Mar Gaya?
SANTA- yaad Nahi yaar,
Bahut Purani Baat He.
Santa Banta Ki Dukaan Par Shave Karne Aaye,
Banta- Muchh Rakhni Hai.?
SANTA- Han..
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Banta(Much Kaat k)- Le Rakh Le,
Jahan Rakhni Hai.
Santa:Jab main paida hua tha to mere papa ne 51 banduke chalwai thi.
Banta:Kamaal hai,
sabka nishana
chook gaya..
SANTA TO BANTA : WHY ARE YOU
LAUGHING ?
BANTA : BECAUSE I AM VERY HAPPY TODAY.
SANTA: WHY ARE YOU HAPPY ?
BANTA: BECAUSE I AM LAUGHING .
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.
Santa: Phone pe itni
dheemi aawaz me
Kis se baat kar raha hai?
Banta: Behen hai !
Santa: To phir itni
Dheemi aawaz me kis liye?
Banta: Teri hai is liye!
Smartest thing ever
done by Banta:
He set his password as "incorrect".
So whenever he forgets, computer automatically reminds him.
"Your password is incorrect"
Banta was travelling in an
Auto rickshaw with his wife.
The driver adjusted the mirror.
Banta shouted,
You are trying to see my wife,
Sit back. I will drive.
Santa samundar me dahi daal raha tha..
Banta:kya kar raha hai?
Santa:Lassi bana raha hun
Banta: Yeh kya Pagalpan hai??
Teri aisi harkaton se hi log hum pe joke banate hai..
ab bata..
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Itni Saari Lassi kon piyega?
Santa In Gift shop:
Kafi Der Gifts Dekhne Ke Bad Santa Ne Ek Gift Ke Taraf ishara Kar Ke Pocha.... "
Ye Hansta Huwa Kutta Kitne Ka Hai..??
Shopkeper : Sir Ye AINA Hai....
Santa on an
interview for
the post of detective
was asked a question
Interviewer – Who killed Gandhiji ?
Santa – Thanks for
giving me the job,
I will investigate.
Santa roti ka 1 tukda khud kha raha tha aur 1 pass baithi murgi ko khila raha tha...
Banta: "Ye kya kar raha hai?"
Santa- "Chicken ke sath roti kha raha hu.
Shravan chal rahe hain na...
Hindi Jokes
In Biology practical exam:
Teacher: Is panchi k tange dekh k bataao ki iska naam kya hai..
Santa: Tange dekh k kaise bataao be..?
Teacher: NAALAKYAK!! Tumhe zero milta hai. Apna naam bataao.!!
Santa: Ye le..meri taange dekh k likh le...
1 bache ne santa ki dukan se Rs.45
ka saaman liya or use 5 k note me
5 k aage pencil se 0 likh kr diya or
kaha Ye lo 50Rs.. or 5Rs.
Vapas do..
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Santa ko pata chal gaya or usne
socha iska badla lena chahiye..
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Usne jeb se 50 ka note nikala or
uska 0 pencil se kat diya r bola ye
le 5Rs. Ab to Hisaab
Baraabar..
Santa class me haans raha tha,
Ek ladka bola : Stand UP, kaun ho tum?
Santa : Tum kaun ho?
Ladka : Mein monitor hu
Santa : Te phir mein CPU hu!!!
santa 2 shopkeeper
santa:" muje mere car me nayi battery lagwani
hai
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shopkeeper:" Exide laga du ??
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Santa:" ek-side kyu be, jab paise pure de raha hu
to dono side laga k
de...
Santa Ne Ghar Ke Uper Wale Hisse Mein Paint Kiya Aur Neeche Wale Hisse Mein Likh Diya
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“Same As Above
Army Training k doran 1 officer ne sipahi se pocha: Ye hath me kia hai?
Sipahi santa: Sir Ye bandooq hai.
Officer: Ye bandooq nhi tumhari izzat or shan hai, tumhari maa hai maa!!
Then Officer to a sipahi banta Singh: Tumhare hathme ye kya hai?
Banta: Sir, Ye santa ki maa hai or hamari aunty hai..!!
Santa- Itne Saare Log Football Ko Laat Kyu Maar Rahe Hai
Banta-Abe Gadhe Goal Karne Ke Liye
Santa
Gol Hi To Hai Aur Kitna Gol Karenge.....
Boss-apki shadi
ho gayi?
Santa-Haanji,1ladki
se huyi he
Boss-Shaadi to ladki se
hi hoti he
Santa-Naa ji
meri behan ki to
ladke Se huyi he...
Nurse : Mubarak ho aap ke ghar ladka paida hua hai.
Santa : Wah g wah kya technology hai, Biwi meri hospital hai,
aur bacha mere ghar paida hua hai!!!
Police: hume khabar mili hai ki aapke ghar me visfotak samgri hai.
Banta: sahab khabar to ekdum pakki hai lekin filhal vo apne mayke gayi hai
Minister- Bomb Blast Me marne Walo ko 5
0r
Zakmi ko 3Lakh Denge
Santa- Mera Baap Pehle Zakhmi Hua,Phir Mar Gaya,
mere ko 8 Lakh do
Doctor: Tumhare Kaan Kaise Jale?
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Santa: Main Kameez Istari Kar Raha
Tha, Ke Phone
Aa Gaya.
Maine Jaldi mein Phone Ki Jagah
Istari Kaan Mai Laga Li
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Doctor: To Doosra Kaan Kaise Jala?
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Santa: Ab Ambulance Ko Bhi Phone
Karna Tha Na.
JUNG main SANTA ne bulet proof jacket ki jagah machrdani pehani
BANTA-aisa kyu? SANTA-jisme machar nahi ghus sakta usme goli kaise gusegi
Sunta Banta Funny Jokes
Manager asked santa at an interview.
-Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
SanTa replied: P-O-S-T-B-O-X
Gf.- Mere B'Day par Bahut Costly Gift Dena!
Santa- Ok!
On The B'Day_
Santa- Your Gift.
Gf.- How Sweet! Is me Kya He?
Santa- Petrol Me Tale Paneer Ke Pakode.
Santa:
Naukar Se-Jara Dekh To Bahar Suraj Niklaa Hai Ya Nahi
Naukar;
Bahar To Andhera Hai,
Santa:
To Torch Jala Kar Dekh Le Kaamchor..!!
SANTA Ne Ladki Dekh Ke Arz
Kiya
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Tere Smile Me Kya Chamak Hai.
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Wah Wah
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Tere Smile Me Kya Chamak
Hai ????
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Ladki Boli
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Bhaiya Yahi To Baat Hy
Mere Toothpste Me NAMAK
Hai....
Girl. Kya tum mujse shadi karogi
Santa. Humare ghar sabki shadi relatives se hi hoti he jaise mummy ki papa se , bahiya ki bhabhi se, didi ki jija se
Santa to Banta in Exam Hall:
"Oye extra pen hai kya"?
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Banta:"Ek hi hai"
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Santa:"Abe Ek hi chahiye"
Santa 1 Barat mein
gaya.
Waha use bar-bar
PAANI PAROSA ja
raha tha.
Paresan hokar Santa chillaya:
Gale mein pani fans
gaya he,
thoda DAAL-CHAWAL
de do..
Santa ko uski Girl-Friend ne sms kiya..
"I MISS YOU"
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Santa Ne Apna Khatarnak Dimag Lagaya,
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aur Do Ghante Baad Reply Bheja..
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"I Mr. YOU"
Santa ne apni car ke Niche Kutte ko sota hua
Dekha, To kutte ki taang Pakad ke
Bahar kicha aur bola- Bahar nikal sale,
Bada aaya automobile Enginneer banne.
Santa makes cal 2 airport: Hw long is da journey frm punjab 2 America??
Receptionist:1 sec sir..
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Santa disconnects n says,
''pee ke bethi h kamini
SANTA dials a number
a girl receive
santa-kon
girl-me sita
santa-sorry maate.....
LUDHIANA lagaya tha AYODHA lag gaya
Banta: sabzi lene gaya Sabziwala sabzi par pani maar raha tha
Kaafi der ho gayi to Banta: bola"Agar sabzi ko HOSH aa gaya ho to 1 kilo dedo.....
Salesman: sir, cockroach k liye powder loge kya?
Santa: " Nahi, hum cockroach ko itna laad-pyar nahi karte! Aaj powder laga denge to kal sala DEO mangega!"
SAnTa k ghar
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shadi
k 20 saal baad bacha hua
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,Wo udaas ho gaya,.
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2nd sardar:
Yaar udaas kiu ho ?.
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1st Sardar:20 saal baad bacha hua
wo bhi
"CHOTA SA..
Mr. Santa Interview Dene Gaye..
Boss-Ur Birthday.
Santa-22 April Sir.
Boss-Kaun Sa Saal.
Santa-Ulloo Ke Patthe,Kya Kon Sa Saal, Har Saal
Santa ne banta se pucha are meri wife bimaar hai kya karu banta bola use kerosin pila de santa ne patni ko kerosin pilaya to vo mar gai vo banta ke pass jaakar bola are yaar meri wife to mar gai banta replied meri bhi mar gayi thi
In exam hall a girl to santa:
Mujhe bas is ans ki starting bata do baki main likh lungi.
SANTA ne dhyan se idhar-udhar dekha,fir dhire se bola:
“The”
santa chup chap baitha tha. use dekh banta ne pucha.
banta:kya kar rahe ho?
santa:badla le raha hun.
banta:kise
santa:samay se. usne mujhe barbad kiya ab mein use barbad kar raha hun
Santa ne bank loan pe 1 car li,
Loan nahi chuka paya to bank wale car utha kar legaye,
Udas santa-
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pehle pata hota to shadi bhi loan leke karta.
Santa to doctor:" Jab mein sota hu to mere sapne me Live IPL Cricket match aane lagta hai..
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Doctor:" Koi baat nahi ye medicine sone se pehle kha lena..
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Santa:" Kal se khaonga, aaj to final match hai...
Shadi Ki Raat Santa Confuse Ho Gaya Ke Aapni Biwi Se Kya Baat Kre..
Bohot Sochne Ke Bad Aakhir Bola-
Tumhare Ghar Walo Ko Pata Hai Na Tum Aaj Raat Yahi Pe Rukogi...
Teacher: Tell me the name of any
Microsoft Product?
Samy:
MS Excel..
Johny:
MS Word..
nitin:
MS Powerpoint..
SANTA:
After thinking a lot....
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MS Dhoni...
Santa:" Mujhe Kitab Likhne Me.. ek Saal Lag Jata Hai..
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Banta:" Itni Mehnat Kyo Karte Ho 15 Rupaye Me
Likhi Hui Kitab Mil Jati Hai...
Santa- Meri Biwi Bahut Kharchili He,
Jab Bi Dekho 100/,200/rs Mangti Rehti He,.
Banta- unn Paiso Ka Wo Karti Kya He.?
Santa- Kya Pata,
Maine Kabhi Diye hi Nahi...
3 Poultry Farms ki Inspection ho rhi thi...
Inspector: Tum Murgion ko kya dete ho ?
Banta: Bajra
Inspector: Wrong Food
Arrest him
Inspector: Tum kya dete ho ?
Banta's relative: Rice
Inspector: Tum Bhi galat ho
Arrest him too
Santa ghabra k bola: main to sab Murgion ko 5-5 rupay de deta hu jis ka jo dil kare kha le...
Santa road pe ja raha tha..
Samne gobar pada tha. Santa ne apni ungli gobar me dali or phir muh me.
Or bola ohh gobar tha shukar hai pair nhi pda..
Santa ke lips jale hue the
Banta: Kaise jale?
Santa: Wife ko railway steation drop krne gaya tha.
Banta: To?
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Santa: Khushi ke mare.
Train ke engine ko choom liya
santa : yar banta mene ek tv liya pr vo
chal nahi raha kya tu dekh lega...
Banta : 2 ghate tak lagatar tv ko dekhta raha or phir badi soch me pad gaya ....
Bada sochne k baad bola yaar tu sahi kah raha tha ye chal nahi raha....kamina itani der se jara sa bhi nahi hila....
PASSENGER;tumne mere jab me haath kyu dala?
SANTA:Mujhe machis chahiye thi
PASSENGER:Tum mujhse maang sakte the ?
SANTA:Mai anjan se baat nai karta.
Santa Paaji Ko Cinema Hall Ke Bahar Ek Bikhari
Mila..
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Bhikhari:" Allah Ke Naam Par Kuch De Do.. 2 Din
se Bhukha Hoon”
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Santa 100 Ka Note Dikhate Hue Bola:" Kya
Tumhare Paas 50 Ka Note Hai ??
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Bhikhari Khushi Se:" Ji Haan”
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Santa:" To Saale, Pehle Woh Jake Kharch Kar
Na“
Santa: Ladki dekhne gaya
Ladki ka Baap: Beta Sharab pete ho..
Santa: Sharab to baad me penyge abi to sirf Chai chalege.
Santa ka naukar ramu barish me chata lekar
garden me ghum raha tha to Santa bola Ramu barish me tum garden me Q ghum rahe ho
Ramu bola sir mai flowers ko pani de raha hun
Santa-Barsaat to ho rahi hai
Ramu-fikar mat kijiye sir mai chata lekar aya hun....
Santa:- Ek Aadmi Ganja Hai Fir Bhi Saloon Jata Hai ?
Banta:- Qu ?
Santa:- Qu Ki,
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Saloon Uska Hai.
Teacher:-"Batao A Ke Baad Kya Aata Hai??
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Santa Kafi Der Sochne Ke Baad BoLa... Kya BoLti Tu..
Santa Apne Bete Pappu Ka Math Ka Test Le Raha Hota Hai.
Santa: “ Beta 5 Ke Baad Kya Aata Hai? ”
Pappu: “ 6, 7 ”
Santa: “ Wah Mera Beta To Bohat Hoshiyaar Hai,Aur 6, 7 Ke Baad? ”
Pappu: “ 8, 9, 10 ”
Santa: “ Kya Baat Hai Beta Aur Uske Baad? ”
Pappu: “ Gulam, Begum, Badshah “
Santa:
Tum bike itni tez q chla rhe ho?
Banta:
Ye letter urgent dena hai
Santa:
Kaha?
Banta:
Address padhne ka time nai hai.
Santa:
Ok go fast.!
Santa apni Gf ki zulfon me aisa khoya,
Ke
Behosh ho gaya...
Jab hosh Aaya to Romantic ho kar pucha
Jaan.!
Nahati kyun nahi ho..?
Santa ki lottery lagi aur
Woh ghar pr jakar apni wife se
bola...
Santa- Agar mere lottery lagi to
tum kya karogi.
Wife- 50% lekr tumhe chod
dungi.
Santa- yeh le 50 rupye aur nikal
yaha se...
Aurto se Bhari Bus Palti
Sari Aurte Mar Gyi
Sbke Pati 1-1 Ghanta Roye
Pr SaNTA 2 Ghante!
Q?
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QKi Snta ki wife se Bus miss hogyi thi....
Santa-mai bachapan me bahut taqatwar tha.
banta-wo kaise?
santa-maa kahti hai k jab me rota tha,to sara ghar sar pe utha leta tha.
Santa USA mein tha.
1 building mein aag lag gayi.
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Santa Fire Brigade se-Tum logo
ko Niche fenko main Catch karunga.
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Pehle 1 Ladka aaya phir ladki phir
aadmi phir aurat.
Santa ne sab ko pakad liya.
Phir
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1 negro(black person) aaya to
Santa ne chhod diya aur
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bola:
Abey salo jo jal gye hai wo to mat
Fenko…!!
Santa To His Son :
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Oye, Ghabrana Matt,
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Tu Sher Da Puttar Hai...
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Son : Ji Haan Papa,
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Class Me Teacher Bhi Yehi Bolti Hai,
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Ki Tu Zarur Kisi Jaanwar Ki Aulad
Hai
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